Oh, The Drama.........and Heartache
- jmarielifecoaching
- 5 days ago
- 4 min read
Why Are Relationships So Messy?! (Spoiler: Your Attachment Style Might Be the Drama)
Okay, breathe…and let’s talk about something no one prepped us for but somehow controls our entire social life—attachment styles.
Ever caught yourself staring at your phone like 👀 waiting for a text back, questioning if your friends secretly hate you, or feeling weirdly uncomfortable when someone gets too close? Yeah, that’s not just a you thing—that’s your attachment style doing its thing.
Basically, the way your parents (or caregivers) treated you growing up built the blueprint for how you handle relationships now. If they were stable and supportive, congrats—you’re probably thriving. If they were distant, unpredictable, or made emotions feel illegal… well, let’s just say that explains a lot.
You might:
Overanalyze every conversation like you’re in an FBI interrogation.
Push people away before they can hurt you (even if they weren’t going to).
Bounce between needing love and running from it like it’s a horror movie.
Sound familiar? Buckle up, because we’re about to break down the four attachment styles and how they might be sabotaging your relationships.
Anxious Attachment: Why You’re Overthinking Every Text
If your parents were inconsistent—sometimes super loving, other times distant—you might have an anxious attachment style. This means you’re always on high alert, worried people are gonna leave you. (Even if they’re just taking a nap.)
🚨 Signs You Might Have Anxious Attachment:
You need reassurance—one ignored text and you’re spiraling.
You assume every slight mood change means someone is mad at you.
Being alone feels wrong, like you should be doing something.
Conflict? No thanks. Even a small disagreement makes you feel this close to getting abandoned.
Because of this, you might be the queen of over-apologizing, people-pleasing, and emotionally exhausting yourself trying to keep people around. And let’s be real—that’s too much work for a girl who deserves peace.
Avoidant Attachment: The “I’m Good” Lie
If your caregivers weren’t emotionally available or made you feel like needing love was too much, you might be out here with avoidant attachment. Translation? You swear you don’t need anyone—but deep down, you kinda do.
🚨 Signs You Might Have Avoidant Attachment:
You feel lowkey suffocated when people try to get too close.
You hate feeling “needy,” so you pretend you don’t have feelings. (Spoiler: You do.)
Expressing emotions makes you cringe, so you just… don’t.
Trusting people is hard, so you push them away before they can hurt you.
At first, this “I don’t need anybody” attitude makes you feel powerful. But long-term? It gets lonely. Real talk—you deserve connection, even if it feels weird at first.
Fearful-Avoidant Attachment: The Emotional Rollercoaster
Ah, yes. The chaotic middle ground. If your childhood was unpredictable—sometimes loving, sometimes a total mess—you might be dealing with fearful-avoidant attachment. You want connection, but also fear it. Basically, you’re playing emotional tag with your relationships.
🚨 Signs You Might Have Fearful-Avoidant Attachment:
You want love but also think it’s a trap.
You get close to people… then suddenly ghost them.
You overthink people’s intentions—are they being nice, or are they playing you?
Relationships are exhausting because your brain is fighting itself 24/7.
If this sounds like you, don’t worry—you’re not doomed. Healing is totally possible, and you don’t have to live in constant emotional whiplash.
Secure Attachment: The Relationship Cheat Code
If you’re securely attached, you’ve basically unlocked the secret level of life where relationships feel easy. You trust people, set healthy boundaries, and don’t spiral over minor things. Teach us your ways.
✅ You know your worth.✅ You don’t take every little thing personally.✅ You communicate instead of assuming the worst.✅ You trust people without losing yourself.
The good news? Even if this isn’t your current attachment style, you can work toward it. Healing is possible, and healthy relationships aren’t just for other people—they’re for you too.
How Attachment Styles Show Up in Real Life
Family: Where It All Started
Parents? Yeah, they set the tone for how you see relationships. If they were distant, controlling, or inconsistent, you might:
Feel like you have to earn love.
Be terrified of disappointing people.
Struggle to open up because “feelings weren’t a thing” in your house.
Healing starts with realizing that their patterns don’t have to be yours. You deserve love without conditions.
Dating: Attachment Styles in Action
Ever wonder why some relationships feel chill while others make you question your entire existence? Yep, that’s attachment styles at work.
Anxious attachment? You cling, overanalyze, and need constant reassurance.
Avoidant attachment? You push people away even when you like them.
Fearful-avoidant? You go back and forth between wanting love and fearing it.
Figuring this out before dating makes it easier to avoid relationship chaos.
Friendships: Same Story, Different People
Your attachment style isn’t just about dating—it shows up in friendships too.
Always worrying your friends secretly don’t like you? → Anxious attachment.
Keeping convos surface-level because vulnerability is gross? → Avoidant attachment.
Feeling super close one second, then suddenly distant? → Fearful-avoidant.
Good news? You can break these cycles and start building actual healthy friendships.
How to Heal & Build Better Relationships
If your attachment style is making relationships feel like a full-time job, here’s how to start healing:
1️⃣ Notice Your Patterns → Are you overthinking? Avoiding? Bouncing between the two? Awareness is step one.2️⃣ Challenge Your Fears → Not everyone is gonna hurt or leave you. Some people are actually safe.3️⃣ Set Boundaries → You don’t have to overextend yourself to be worthy of love.4️⃣ Choose Healthy Relationships → Surround yourself with people who make you feel safe, not anxious.5️⃣ Remember God’s Love → Your worth isn’t in a relationship, a text back, or how many people validate you. God already calls you enough.
Final Thoughts
If relationships have been making you feel exhausted, take a deep breath. You’re not crazy, you’re not broken, and you’re definitely not alone. Your attachment style might explain why you feel the way you do—but it doesn’t have to define your future.
Your value isn’t in who stays, who leaves, or how many people validate you. You are already loved, already worthy, and already enough. ❤️
So, let’s start healing. You deserve peace in your relationships.
Catch you in the next blog! 😉
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