Attachment Style And Relationship
- jmarielifecoaching
- Mar 19
- 4 min read
Updated: Mar 22
Embrace the Love You Were Created For; Healing the Attachment Wound
Do you feel stuck in painful relationship cycles, questioning your worth, struggling with connection, or carrying the weight of chronic anxiety? You’re not alone. The patterns shaping your relationships may be deeply rooted in your attachment style—but the good news is, awareness can lead to healing.
What's Holding you back?
If relationships leave you feeling anxious, distant, or caught in an emotional whirlwind, there’s a reason. The way we connect with others is shaped by our earliest experiences—the love we received or, sometimes, the love we longed for but never had. But no matter your past, you are not bound to repeat it. Healing is possible. A life filled with love, security, and connection is within your reach.
Let’s explore attachment styles—how they develop, how they impact your relationships, and most importantly, how you can break free from unhealthy cycles.
Anxious Attachment – Seeking Love but Fearing Loss
If you constantly worry about abandonment, seek reassurance, or overanalyze your partner’s feelings, you may have an anxious attachment style. This often stems from childhood experiences where love felt inconsistent—where one moment, you felt seen and cherished, and the next, you felt ignored or rejected.
As an adult, this can look like:✔️ Chasing emotionally unavailable partners, hoping this time will be different.✔️ Overextending yourself in relationships to “earn” love.✔️ Confusing emotional highs and lows with passion.
How This Can Lead to Unhealthy Relationships:
You may tolerate neglect or mistreatment to avoid being alone.
You might overlook red flags because the fear of losing someone is stronger than the fear of staying in an unhealthy situation.
You may feel like you have to prove your worth to be loved.
But here’s the truth: You don’t have to earn love. You are already enough. Healing begins with setting boundaries, strengthening self-worth, and choosing partners who offer security and emotional safety.
Avoidant Attachment – Keeping Love at a Distance
Maybe instead, you struggle with trust and emotional closeness. You crave connection but push it away the moment it feels too real. This is known as avoidant attachment and often develops when vulnerability wasn’t safe in childhood—when showing emotions led to rejection or criticism.
In relationships, this might look like:✔️ Avoiding deep emotional conversations.✔️ Pulling away when things start to get serious.✔️ Choosing partners who need more from you than you’re willing to give—so you always have an “out.”
How This Can Lead to Unhealthy Relationships:
You may attract controlling or demanding partners, reinforcing your fear of losing independence.
You might unintentionally hurt loving partners by shutting down emotionally.
You may sabotage healthy relationships because deep intimacy feels foreign or overwhelming.
But real love doesn’t take away your freedom—it gives you a safe place to be yourself. Healing comes from learning to trust, practicing vulnerability, and understanding that love and independence can coexist.
Disorganized Attachment – When Love Feels Both Safe & Scary
For some, love is both something you desperately want… and something that terrifies you. Disorganized attachment often develops from past trauma or relationships where love and pain were intertwined. If a caregiver was supposed to protect you but also caused you harm, love may now feel unpredictable and unsafe.
As an adult, this can show up as:✔️ Feeling intensely attached one moment and pushing your partner away the next.✔️ Struggling to trust love, even when it’s safe.✔️ Getting stuck in toxic, chaotic relationships that mirror past wounds.
If this is you, know this: Your past does not define you. Your wounds are not your identity. Healing is possible through self-awareness, therapy, and surrounding yourself with people who show you that love can be safe, steady, and true.
Breaking the Cycle – You Deserve Healthy Love
No matter your attachment style, you are not stuck. You can rewrite your story. You can learn to choose relationships built on mutual care, respect, and security. And most importantly, you can do this healing for yourself—before stepping into a relationship—so you make choices from a place of wholeness, not woundedness.
Here’s where to start: Seek support – Healing happens in safe spaces. Therapy, coaching, and trusted relationships can help. Recognize your patterns – Awareness is the first step to change. Set healthy boundaries – Love should never come at the cost of your peace. Know your worth – Real love won’t make you question yourself. It brings security, not confusion.
The Power of Self-Compassion
For too long, you’ve carried these patterns without even realizing it. But the ways you’ve learned to protect yourself weren’t mistakes—they were survival strategies. Now, you have the power to choose a new path. Healing isn’t about getting everything right; it’s about taking small, meaningful steps toward peace.
Try this: Pause when you feel triggered—acknowledge your emotions before reacting. Reflect on how your attachment style is influencing your choices. Treat yourself with kindness—self-love is the foundation of healing.
Rewriting Your Story
You were not created to live in fear, self-doubt, or relationship turmoil. Your worth isn’t tied to someone else’s ability to love you. True connection begins within—knowing that you are already whole and deserving of love that is safe, consistent, and kind. Healing is about reclaiming your story and creating the life your heart longs for.
Final Encouragement – You Are Enough
You are worthy of love that feels safe. Love that is steady. Love that doesn’t make you feel like you must fight for it.
Healing takes time, but every step you take toward self-awareness and self-worth is a step toward the love you deserve.
So, keep going. Your past doesn’t define you. Your future is yours to create
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Take the Next Step with a Life Coach
Healing and connection begin with a commitment to yourself. Working with a Life Coach can help you break free from unhealthy patterns, understand your emotions, and build the life you were created for. Coaching offers personalized guidance, accountability, and a safe space to explore your inner world without judgment.
You don’t have to do this alone. If you're ready to take that first step, reach out today. Your journey toward healing, peace, and fulfilling relationships starts now.
Stay tuned! More insights on attachment styles, anxiety, and how they impact your overall well-being are coming soon.
I invite you to the next blog on Anxious Attachment. https://www.jmarielifecoaching.com/post/anxious-attachment-fearing-love
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